No song lyric title tonight (well it is, but it’s Take That and I just don’t wanna go there!).
Today has been a big day, today Big M turned 4. She assures me she’s taller and she was asleep before her head hit the pillow which are both signs of a well enjoyed day. In fact were I not here typing this I would also be asleep but I have too many things I will forget if I don’t write now. As any busy mum will tell you, if you don’t seize the moment there is a high chance the thing you wanted to say or do will never happen!
So yes Big M turns 4. It struck me this morning that she was the reason this blog came to pass in the first place. I started it as a space for me to verbalise how bloody shit scared I was about having kids under the guise of a funny-look at me passing the time-style blog. Yet somehow we are now fours years and a baby sister down the line and the blog has continued (alright pretty sporadically but hey I’ve been busy) so anyway I thought I should mark the occasion with a post.
This morning was a bit different in that ever since I’ve been running regularly Big M has been hounding me to come with. Whilst I am thrilled at the prospect of inspiring and motivating her, from a totally selfish standpoint I am not so thrilled at having to piggy back her round the course and still coming last (which has actually happened). So we have been waiting until today, when she was officially old enough, to give junior parkrun a try.
After a few weeks of instilling the mantra “what does parkrun mean? No carries!” she was super excited this morning when she opened up her pressies and found a bag full of running goodies. I’m not gonna lie I had a bit of kit envy to be fair and once she was ready to go she really did look the part.
Now many a time in my life I have been likened to a duck, all calm and serene on top whilst paddling like fuck below the surface and today was no different. No one tells you that when you have littles you now not only get nerves for yourself you get it for them as well. Super! And how do I deal with those nerves? I plan… and prepare…..like a ninja. Therefore whilst smiling, and chivvying, and bigging up the running we managed to effortlessly sail out the door in good time. And when I say good time I mean we were 45 minutes early. The OH was not impressed, especially when I insisted we drive laps of the park but not actually stopping too near because we obviously didnt want to be seen to be too keen. Quite why I was nervous Im not sure, I run parkrun regularly and its fine. I think its just when I look and see this tiny face full of anticipation and excitement I don’t want anything bad to happen. I didnt want her to fall, I didnt want her change her mind and never do it again and most of all I didnt want her to be bothered about coming last…which was a very real possibility and which in fact did happen.
But do you know what, as is always the way with anxiety, the reality was so much better than the worry. She loved it! Ran some, walked some, told everyone who would listen that it was her birthday, decided 20 metres in she wanted to go home, changed her mind, wanted mum, wanted dad and then even pulled out a sprint finish past all the supporters to raptuous applause. What a little hero. Our little hero. I could not have been prouder. It was also so refreshing that due I guess to her age, coming last was not even on her radar. As far as she was concerned she had done it and that was the goal of the day. What a brilliant outlook and definately one I need to adopt more. I think as we get older the pressures put upon us to always achieve, always strive to win, be the best etc sometimes get in the way of just doing things. For fun, just because.
Anyway post run we headed for swimming at a pool with slides (family tradition) where it turns out little M is fearless to a worrying degree. Had I let her she would have flung herself down the biggest shoot without a second hesitation. Today however she had to settle for sitting on my lap, arms in the air “scream if you wanna go faster” style. At one point I saw her confidently striding down the pool towards the OH not a care in the world until she was completely submerged. It was only then that the realisation kicked in she can’t actually swim yet. Good save OH!
Post swim we were ready to eat, like seriously eat. However so was every other Tom, Dick and Harry in Bath so we found out, having to visit 7 Italians before we could get a table. First world probleems right?! Who knew pasta was the order of the day on a Sunday?! Anyhoo in true kid fashion the girls covered themselves in sauce and tolerated their lunch until the ice cream was produced.
I on the other hand got stuck into the Prosecco, hell I’m celebrating too. With the help of the OH we have managed to get us all to this point in one piece. One functioning (barely at times ha ha!) walking, talking, on the way to being well formed family. How in the world did we do it? In my head I’m still a kid myself and I’m sure the OH would agree. Yet still we have managed to blag our way into the parenthood club and somehow we seem to have been able to keep our membership. Well done us.
Anyway all is quiet in the house now and I am gonna hit the hay. Having swapped my days at work I am still reeling at having to be anywhere pre 9am on a Monday. All thats left to do is come up with a plausible explanation as to why Big M’s wish to have her birthday everyday has not come true. You see, always blagging.
Much love and speak soon,